lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
