I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And then he peed in my hair
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