We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
