He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
