3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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