What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
