i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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