i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
These tits shall not be calmed
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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