I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
