Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
