i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
