I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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