I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize