got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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