from now on my penis is your penis
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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