Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
