How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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