I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
