Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
