Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
