you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
the raccoons are back...
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