Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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