My hand turned me down
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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