i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
