We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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