i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
