I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
