I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
