okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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