So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
