Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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