I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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