So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My ass is underappreciated
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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