dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
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he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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