I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
