I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
