he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
