who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
