It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize