That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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