I bet he comes in French.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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