i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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