ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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