Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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