I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
do herpes really smell.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
