she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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