Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
