for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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