my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
