so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
