He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
