No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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