i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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