Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
