i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
