I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize