So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
