You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
