Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
