he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
