$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
