I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
