she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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