No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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