1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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